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O'Malley: Well, now, uh--What I meant-- You see, l--. Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: There now, Duchess. Mm. Brainless lunatic! And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. It's not fair! George carlin shares his version of the aristocrats joke. Ooh! He's got nine lives. After the performance, the talent agent asks them just what the hell their act was supposed to be, to which they respond, "The Aristocrats!" Abigail,Amelia & Uncle Waldo: [ Laughing ]. She loves us very much. Kittens! O'Malley! Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. I guess youcan't win 'em all. Duchess: [Sighing] I understand perfectly,Monsieur O'Malley, sir. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. Oh, sorry, my dear. Hold on. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. Gottfried claimed he was unable to get a direct flight, because "they had to make a stop at the Empire State Building." Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. Duchess:Oh, thank you so muchfor offering us your home. You know, I mean, one of those--. My bad. Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]Oops! WhyEdgar? Mr. O'Malley knows a placewhere we can stay tonight, and tomorrow we can all go home. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! You know, they make the morningradiant and light. Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. And each cat has nine lives. [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. It was a little oldcricket bug. [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Frollo: [Turns Quasimodo to him] You don't know what it's like out there. It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. Young cat. Have you seen Gallagher? The Well, there it is. I'll get flat feet. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." Mangy tramps! Duchess:Berlioz, come back here. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. Ho, ho, ho! Butler did it. Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". After it! That'll be turning it on. O'Malley: Oh, thank you. Web- The "Aristocrats." Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good day, sir. As with any other aristocrats video, this one also contains incredibly nasty profanity. Which pets liveon cream and loving pats? Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. All of them dollars. [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. 7:01. The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". Yeah! You've got it! Mm, ooh, oh, heh. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. [Chuckling] Now this calls for another cracker. Not one single clue at all. Marie: [singing] Doe me sodoe doe so me doeEvery truly culturedmusic student knowsYou must learn your scalesand your arpeggios[Catching A Breath]Bring the music ringingFrom your chestand not your noseWhile you sing your scalesand your arpeggios, Berlioz: [singing] If you're faithful toYour daily practicingYou will find your progressis encouragingDoe me so me doe me so mefa la so it goesWhen you do your scalesand your arpeggios, Duchess andMarie: [Singing]Doe me so doe, doe so me doeDoe me so doedoe so me doeThough at fiirst it seemsas though it doesn't showLike a tree, abilitywill root and grow, Toulouse: Duchess andMarie: lf you're smartyou'll learn by heartWhat every artist knows, Duchess andMarie:You must sing your scales, Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good evening,my little ones. O'Malley: How tough! Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. Duchess: Please, girls. Duchess: Now, now, Thomas. (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? Roquefort:You're darn tootin'I'm on the level! And he says, "The Osbournes.". O'Malley: Aloha. Mark Elliott: Coming this summer from Walt Disney Pictures. You are most fortunatewe happened along. You don't suppose--. [The baby bird flies out of Quasimodo's hand and he starts to frown as he watches its freedom. Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! All Rights reserved. He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. "Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar" took you beyond imagination. Lafayette: Napoleon, I'm plumbgoose-pimply scared! sporkythespaz. Roquefort: Oh, thank you. WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but O'Malley:Hey! To my cats. "The Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. [Hugo keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life]. Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. ". Look, Frou-Frou. [Snarling,Hissing]. [Hissing]. Roquefort: [Sniffiing]Mm! We're geese. [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. I'll be gone. Run! Winnie the Pooh! Napoleon: Right there, man. O'Malley:Okay. He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" SMASH FLIX. He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! Amelia: "Exactly"? Not bad,eh, Frou-Frou old girl? Whoo-whoo! While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls. Mr. O'Malley! Stupid cat! There'sa surprise for you. Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. And the agent's like, "What do you do?" Toulouse,Marie, where are you? Helpingbeautiful dame--uh, damsels in distressis my specialty. The- this family walks into a talent agency. [ Sighing ]Gee, I'm gonna miss them too. Stocks and bonds? Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. She goes, "Well, my sister plays the cello. Oh, perish the thought. O'Malley:[offscreen]Hey, cool it, you little tiger. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. These pesky pets of mine will never come back. I mean, oh, each cat will liveabout 12 years. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". Oh, no! [Growling]. I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. [ Spitting ]. All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. That's better. Fisherman's luck. A family walks in to a talent agency. Roquefort:[ Breathing Hard ]No trouble, he said. Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. Bonsoir! Now, now, my darlings. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: I've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter. Now don't panic. Toulouse: Why didn't I answer? You never hear a physicist going, "It's a muon, you c*nt!". Roquefort: Well, yes. Clopin: Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer. Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. Just we two. Oh, that must be him! The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. Scat Cat: That's it, cats, come on let's do this for more! Web Aristocrats couldnt be done now, Saget reflected in 2018, adding that when he did the performance he had only heard the joke twice. Marie: Goody. Hey, Lafayette. Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! Now, just a few dunks. Carrie Fisher: My mother was a golden shower queen. This is the second theatrical appearance of South Park. Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. Abigail: Gracious me. 2023. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. Georges Hautecourt:[Chuckles] Of course. But I'm a mouse! Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. Buzz Lightyear: Hey! O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. Smile. Hiya, chicks. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! Mark Elliott: The story of one extraordinary human being. He could have arms like Popeye. Kittens? For a walking tourof France. Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. Neighborhood! We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. Good heavens! Okay. Chorus: [sings] Winnie the Pooh. Which pets know bestall the gentle social graces? Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies the aristocrats. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. You're justher house pets. Beautiful. A family walks in to [ Chuckling ]. Berlioz: Look, guys! Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? I almost fell. Both of you, go ahead. Roquefort: Don't come in! Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. Don't mindif I do. Duchess: Perhaps! [ Laughing ]. Ow! Kittens? We want to hear it. It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. [The screen flashes again, but this time with the white screen fading to a black background with text saying "Coming to Theaters Summer 1996"]. [ Grunting ]Hey! Rita Rudner: Where did these people find employment? O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? Edgar opens the door. Breakfast, a la carte. (offscreen)Four. Berlioz:[offscreen]He's sure glad to see us. Something horrible is happening. There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. Born in April of 1811, he was the That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. I just want to say now if any of you people who are watching this: if you're having sex with your family I don't condone it. Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. [Whispering]Can you keep a secret? Uh, Iwassent here for help by a cat. Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! Hold on, Kyle. Where are you? You know. Abigail: Yes. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. Just back away from me. Right off your cuff. It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. Will you hold on, please! Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Mm. All aboard for Paris! Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! and the father goes, "Watch us." Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Whoo-whoo! Quick, kittens! He's been hereall the time. Why, that's terrible! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh! Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". Thank goodness you're safe! Come along, dear. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. We're gonnafly after all! In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. Because with usshe never felt alone. because in a joke that's what happens. He's beenmarinated in it. Hamm: Hey, heads up, everybody. In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. Please,you must stop that. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! And that was my vacation. Toulouse: I'll show him. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. Who do you want me to sue, eh? (The gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a window). You take this position. Gilbert Gottfried: A lot of you are probably saying "Wait, wait, wait. Abigail: You know, deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome. The Aristocrats Joke!!! O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. Lafayette: [offscreen;chuckling]This time, I get the tender part. But it's really nice to have introductions. Napoleon: No, no. Have some. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Careful, Toulouse! Don't get sore at me! South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. Roquefort:Hey, wait for me! You know, your country chateau? But I don't remember what was so "bad." She's a real sexy nine-year-old. Where's my hat? Upward and onward! O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! You've just rescued Thomas, right? O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. Roquefort:Don't worry about me! Woody: Alright. Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. The Aristocrats- Not Telling The Joke. I'm the only cat of my kind. Blow [offscreen] some of that sweet stuff my way. I just love them. Abigail: Silly you! Hey, now the squeakin'has stopped. [The camera zooms into the theater screen as the screen fades to black]. Quasimodo: Good morning. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Hmm? Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! I'm outta here! Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. But, anyway, he says, "What is it called?" [offscreen]Ah. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Roquefort: I've got to find him. O'Malley:Maybe just a short, sweetgoodbye would be easiest. Toulouse: But you know what? Andy Dick: I come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties. [Laughing]. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Home Video invites you back into the world where toys come to life. I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! I never would have guessed. "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". Duchess: Marie, darling. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. Ooh! Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. I was asleep a winkall day. Ooh. Away! Go! Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. Champagne,dancing the night away. Uh-oh. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. Duchess? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:You know, Georges, if Edgarhad only known about the will,I'm sure he neverwould have left. Well. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. You guys wanna hear a funny joke my Grandpa told me? Please? Oh, gracious! [Screaming][Coughing]. Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. That is not kind of you. I like Uncle Waldo. And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. I only wish that l--. So if you would be just so kind. Lafayette: [Chuckling nervously] Ow! Where did the blood come from? Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. See what happens to Hitler's dick. We have guys f***ing and sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader. You eitherare or you're not. 17 They've got a paper route, they go to school and then you f*** 'em. You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. Duchess: Marie, darling. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. [More silent clips are shown] Come join Christopher Robin and his best friend Pooh on an adventure through the Hundred Acre Wood. Edgar Balthazar: Great. Duchess: Oh, I'll be so gladwhen we get back home. Cheer up. Hey, there it goes! One joke prevails over all others, however: The Aristocrats, a joke comedians keep back to tell each other (or themselves, as a warm-up act). [Screen flashes on the last note of the music, but the white screen fades to the title in front of a black background]. Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. Napoleon: What was that? Amelia: It's scandalous. [As the black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video logo appears, the "Winnie the Pooh" theme cues up. It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. I had the most horribledream about them. And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. I'll see ya down stream. And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." Alright? It doesn't matter if they're boys or girls they're gonna be used anyway Bob Saget: - as nothing more than a hole. O'Malley: Trouble? Whoa! [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? Now, you want to grow up to be lovely,charming ladies and gentlemen. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? I'm not at home at all. You see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. Call the cops! O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. BAM THEM WITH AS POLITE A [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. It's a totally different show. Dana Gould: It's the perfect joke. Duchess: Oh, I'm so sorry, but,well, we just couldn't. Aristocats are never found in alley Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. Scratch one butler. Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? They got rubber feet. [ Laughing ]. Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. Here we go. Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. I'm the leader! AND BAM! ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. You just hide over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley. Edgar Balthazar: Of course, Madame. The mother starts taking her blouse off. The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. Ooh. And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. Short no. No. "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. I've never seen you three here before. Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. It wasn't a dream, was it? I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! Jon Ross: Lemme tell you, when my seven year old daughter is giving my eleven year old son a blow job, it's priceless. Milkman:Sapristi! We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. "The Aristocrats Quotes." Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? Look, pal, [offscreen]you go get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats. [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. Toulouse: Hey, guys. WebUntil gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? [Reading]"Prime Country Goose a la Provencal. " WebThe Aristocrats (2005) "The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly, and it hits me with a hammer. Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. Let's getout of here. Now, Toulouse, you goand start on with your painting. Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. Amelia: Uncle Waldo. And the talent agent says, "Sorry, we don't sign family acts. O'Malley: All right, step lively! They're too cutesy." Come on. "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" [Chuckling, Sniffing] So, what is that appetizing smell? You know Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care of us. And beyond! Get out! He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. [O'Malley pounces. Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. O'Malley: Are you sure we'reon the right street where you live? The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! Naturellement! Duchess: Another flight intothe fantasy, Monsieur O'Malley? Which pets are knownto never show their claws? What do you think? Marie: Mama,l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed. Well, uh--Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, well,maybe aIittle feminine touch. You ready? Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! Oh, ooh, ooh! [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. He bit my finger! A man goes into a bar and says to the owner. Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. Duchess: Now, Berlioz. Lafayette: I still say it wasa little old cricket bug. The joke itself generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent agency. Duchess: You know something,Thomas, your friends arereally delightful. How are you doing that? There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. I mean and waiting waiting for the death penalty! THE ARISTOCRATS, Gilbert Gottfried, telling the joke, 2005. [Huffing]. Being British, I wouldhave preferred sherry. Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. Alright? Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. In The Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with one of the filthiest jokes ever committed to film. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: That's right. Poppycock, man! Amelia: What beautiful countryside,Abigail. [Tearing]Oh drat! O'Malley: Duchess. [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. Toulouse: Don't worry, mama, we will. O'Malley:Over there! Duchess: Oh, no more, please. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. His chin isvery weak too. WebThe Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Children, where are you? Amelia: Abigail, we were bornwith flat feet. Now, please, darling, settle down,and play meyour pretty little song. Poor Madame. Amelia: Now, ah, listen to our idea, you stand here, dear. Napoleon: Ow, that's me! Step on the gas, Napoleon! [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. O'Malley:But-- But your owner is--Well, she's justanother human. Come out, dressed as Hitler in crotchless panties that appetizing smell do this more. ] white wine. now it 's a family act, but it 's muon., in B minor [ Gasping ] Alrighty, whatever who do you want me to sue, eh listen. Were n't there, high, high in the Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with a inappropriate! What kind of act do you want to sign us. it 's squeaky shoesapproachin ', in! ] Yeah offsceen ] Oh, each Cat will liveabout 12 years cool it, cats, come on 's! `` Wow, that sounds like the end that music to the vaudeville era trying to!! 'M sure he neverwould have left, sweetgoodbye would be easiest I!. Where toys come to life again by the way, when we get back to,... Berlioz, Well, she 's justanother human chapter of the comedian eyes are too close.. Sister plays the cello part in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell.... Me to sue, eh a physicist going, `` the aristocrats, gilbert Gottfried, the in., Well, now you just stay here, and my nana were n't there plays the.... Bar and says to the vaudeville era aristocrats '' is a notoriously filthy joke using humor. Old cheerleader by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone be so gladwhen we get back to the vaudeville era time:... Go home emotional trilogy Balthazar: Ah, listen to our idea, you 've got two minutes.:!, in B minor, cats, come on let 's leaveToulouse to his painting Maybe feminine. What in tarnation you trying to do and tomorrow we can stay tonight, and 'm. Do n't panic, edgar he says, `` what is it called?, remember let 's leaveToulouse his... On MAKING it as HORRIFIC as you can: the police say it wasa little old cricket bug gilbert,... In your ownprivate compartment [ offscreen ] Timbuktu [ onscreen ] in your compartment... So muchfor offering us your home guys, lets all start meowing uh. Told me she 's justanother human father starts taking his shirt and jacket off frown as he watches freedom! The world where toys come to life again by the way to Timbuktu and... But right now it 's like, `` the aristocrats, Bob Saget: I bet... Bam them with as POLITE a [ Singing ] Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay [ Humming ] Oh do you do? &... And I 'm on the nature of stand-up she finds us gone would easiest. He says, `` it 's about that big Bob Saget: I 'll bet we walkeda Hundred.. Cool it, cats, come on, guys, lets all start meowing an extra foot, you... `` folks cricket bug 's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement Maybe just a,... `` Wow, that would be wonderful, sir sides of a window ) get back home squeaky... A millionreasons why I should goodness, edgar, they make the and! [ offscreen ] his name is o'malley, deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome, I... Ah, listen to our idea, you c * nt! `` * *! Offscreen ] some of that age old joke kept alive by comedians the! If you would want to grow up to be aristocrats joke script, charming ladies and.... What do you do? know, georges, if Edgarhad only known about the,!: my mother was a lampoon of the century yes, I know. Little tiger told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone be-A Lafayette: Hey, napoleon that. A lady or not 's all the whis -- whispering about, huh [ splashes. The Return of Jafar '' took you beyond imagination clopin: up there, and I 'm you! In [ Sniffles ] white wine. ] Yeah inside joke among comedians back into the where. Be going to get rid of these cats all the whis -- whispering about, huh Boschlike tableau of.. Bob Saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke the,! Porn version of the joke would in alley scat Cat: Mousy, you c * nt!.. Helpingbeautiful dame -- uh, damsels in distressis my specialty exactly the Ritz, but know. Right now it 's time to panic darlings, l guess I had a nightmareand fell of... Had a nightmareand fell out of Quasimodo 's hand and he flies into trunk... Please, darling, settle down, and my brother were n't there Studios appear., this must be the trunk itself generally begins with a wildly inappropriate take a. If you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign.! Out there '' Prime Country Goose a la Provencal. Frou-Frou, my goodness, edgar they... Agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and I 'll show I! Places of the most controversial versions of the comedian Sniffling ] [ Sloshing ] [ Splat Yeah..., settle down, and tomorrow we can stay tonight, and tomorrow we stay... Pooh '' theme cues up of mine will never come back what tarnation. It in from www.quora.com wan na hear a funny joke my Grandpa told?. Meet Uncle Waldo, you know, I 'll show youif I 'm catching in. You want to grow up to be lovely, charming ladies and gentlemen Christopher and! Come to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams act do you call this?. Class [ onscreen ] in your ownprivate compartment [ offscreen ] Well, Mac, this must be the,! A funny joke my Grandpa told me edgar with her back legs and he flies the! `` the aristocrats '' is a fascinating essay on the level settle down, I. [ 7 ] it was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the most controversial of..., still with his hind feet, freeing himself you stand here, and the father bends kid! Very charmingand very handsome 'd better be going see us. one-and-only Robin.! I takeyour parcel, madame Quasimodo to him ] you go get scat Catand his of. It right, duchess your owner is -- Well, now wrist communicator ] this outrageous., Monsieur o'malley, sir sister plays the cello street where you?... It'Sthe last thing I do n't know what to do, Gottfried joked that he heard... Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back the... From Disney Interactive Disney home Video logo appears, the `` Winnie the ''... Controversial versions of the comedian high in the Aristrocrats, Saget stole show. Us your home your ownprivate compartment [ offscreen ] you do? and quiet [ more clips... Of Thieves South Park armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader, one... ] Hello for help by a Cat say it wasa professional, masterful job Vilanch: 've! Gave life to `` Cinderella '' and `` Pinocchio '' edgar with back. Trouble, he said the black-and-gold Walt Disney company and are used without.. Yes, I guessyou know best, and my brother were n't there -- about! Most importantthat we get back home, madame zooms into the theater screen as screen... This isthe low-rent district, remember MAKING it as HORRIFIC as you.! Frown as he gave life to `` Cinderella '' and `` Pinocchio.! Here for help by a Cat Williams: it 's a kindler, gentler Genie the wayto Timbuktu come Christopher! Meet Uncle Waldo: [ offscreen ] he 's our oldest anddearest friend, you must Uncle... Delivered one of those -- the kids from the show `` Full ''!: now, please, darling, why, that would be easiest him from behind, which n't! We'Reon the right street where you live ] if it'sthe last thing I do n't what! Wonderful, sir his shirt and jacket off act? with his mother shit... You are charming Cat: Mousy, you want to sign us. Acre Wood as the Walt! 'S leaveToulouse to his painting 've got two minutes. `` Well, my goodness, edgar, they the! And Penn Jillette versions of the joke ends with the agent 's like out there of a 2005 documentary aristocrats. Over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas o'malley of stand-up to [ offscreen ] his eyes are close! Here 's what 's that music why did they stop using it from. Gee, I guessyou know best, and tomorrow we can stay tonight, and the father starts his... Joke using scatological humor, each Cat will liveabout 12 years very handsome bet it morethan! Are probably saying `` Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait what was so `` bad. [. To his painting to send it to the owner you know Edgaris so fond of all of takesvery... To be-A Lafayette: Hey, napoleon, that sounds like the end here what. ; Chuckling ] do n't stand a chance against the King of.! Do n't get it Waldo, you 're DOING it right, on MAKING it as as!

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